Handling conflict is one of the last things that people think about when signing up for a free online dating service
. However, conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and it's unpleasant whether it happens face-to-face or through an exchange of emails.The difference is that handling conflict in an online dating relationship is a little trickier. It doesn't take much for a minor disagreement to explode into a situation that leaves everyone feeling emotionally battered.
If you receive an email from your online friend that leaves you feeling hurt or angry, it's best to wait 24 hours before responding. If you fire back immediately, you might just say something that you regret.
One of the disadvantages of relationships formed through free online dating is that you don't have the visual or auditory clues that would give some context to the words you are reading on the screen. That's why it is a good idea to re-read the email hours later. You may find that your perspective has changed and the email doesn't sound so bad after all.
One of the things that they don't tell you in free online dating 101 is that if the two of you start having a heated argument while chatting online, it is probably best to log off for awhile. You can let your partner know that you are sorry but you can't think clearly right now and need time to sort through your thoughts.
If your online relationship has progressed to the point where you now talk on the phone, it's best to take your arguments there. Hearing each other's voices helps you get closer in ways that can't always be achieved through writing. A gentle or reassuring tone can do a lot to soften your feelings towards each other. Also, the immediacy of a phone conversation means that the fight is less likely to be dragged out over a long period.
When you respond by phone or email, chose your words carefully. If you write an email, read it aloud in different ways: Gently, harshly, firmly, etc. This will give you an overall feel for the phrasing and overall tone you want to convey in your email.
Ask for clarification, You may want to tell your new free online dating
friend how you interpreted what her or she said and ask what was meant. For example,"When you said X did you really mean Y? Because that's how I first read it and it made me feel hurt/upset, etc."
Be honest about how you feel, but try not to be too dramatic. Telling them that their words hurt you like a "slap in the face" is a way of saying that you were attacked. That will put your online buddy on the defensive.
Handling conflict with someone that you meet on a free online dating service can be difficult, but it's not impossible. As long as you avoid jumping to conclusions, seek clarification. and choose your words carefully, you can navigate the seas and reach a peaceful resolution.